Monday

I'm about 51/2 feet tall. My appearance is of an actress, beautiful. As I was a very loved actress once. The make-up and hair of course had to be over the top even now. I remember my self with ash blond hair, petite, with a snub nose in my younger years. I was taller then as well. Now I'm old and not as attractive but I do try my best. I must say that I still pull it off. Although I could do without the cane but my leg's aged and weakened. I do pull that off too.
One of my two favorite hobbies is gardening in beautiful sunny days. When the days are dull my second best is sewing and knitting scarves for the Angels. Brave men they are. My favorite pastime would be pacing back and forth. Helps me clear my head and think clearly.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that won't leave me. In it I'm healthier and younger. How young I use to be. The dream start with my husband and me making love. Then in a blink of an eye the dream changes. Now I'm standing on the foot of the bed watching Offred make love to my husband. She then notices me and shows me her pregnant belly with that menacing smile. That smile that scares me. The dream then end with me paralyzed unable to move, scream, and do anything about it.
One of my rare favorite dreams are when me and Fred are lying outside on a blanket. He's rubbing my belly and I look down and find it fat. Pregnant. I'm so happy and then I wake to find my self empty unworthy. I'd say it means that rarely these days I'm happy.